I can’t believe it’s been so long since I wrote my blogs. All four of them were totally neglected in October and November. I just didn’t feel like I had anything inspiring to say. I had the blues – I don’t know why. Nothing bad had happened, but I was lacking my favourite feeling: enthusiasm.
I didn’t feel enthusiastic about things. One day, it felt like lots of great things were happening in my life and I barely had time to fit them all in. The next day, I felt a distinct lack of enthusiasm for all those great things and I felt lethargic and pathetic.
I don’t know what the answer is to times like these. I suspect it is one of two things: either press on and do the things that usually make you feel happy and enthusiastic or accept that you don’t feel happy and enthusiastic and stay with those feelings until they pass. I must confess, I did neither. I distracted myself with crap tv and crap food. I didn’t crack on with activities that would absorb my attention and help me to achieve that all important sense of flow. Neither did I meditate on my feelings and work out where they’d come from.
But just as the blues came upon me quickly, so they left me quickly. What made them go away? It was a remark made by a friend: something he said made me realise that I was in control of this situation. I could change my thinking and change my feelings. I could be pro-active and try and work out what was wrong. I could change my day-to-day habits and see if the situation improved. I didn’t have to be a victim of the winter blues: I could use the situation as yet one more opportunity to learn about myself. It was just another step on the journey.
I wanted consolation. So I stopped watching tv and started doing things that felt consoling. Curling up in bed with the electric blanket on and a good book. Cooking old-fashioned puddings like bread and butter pudding and apple crumble. Making soups and stews and home-made bread. Listening to my favourite audio books on the way to work instead of listening to the news on the radio. Even making some little bits of art out of clay and doing some abstract pictures with oil pastels.
My enthusiasm is back. The proof copies of my latest book should arrive any day from the printer. It’s time to start thinking about writing book number 5 too. I’m wondering what Christmas presents to buy and what Christmas presents I could make! I’ve a full diary of exciting work trips and social events. I’ve bought a couple of new books that I’m looking forward to reading. Life feels pretty wonderful again.